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Help - scared of intimacy

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 6:29 am
by avigail
Please help me. I am terrified of intimacy with my husband. I am almost ashamed to say it disgusts me now. I am having ovulation induction treatment and have already triggered a shot. I was meant to be intimate last night but I couldn't. I don't understand. I just can't stand the thought of it.
It never happened pre-treatment.
What's happening.
Please help...

Re: Help - scared of intimacy

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 6:34 am
by avigail
Goes without saying that I love my husband with all my being. He's my everything and we want a baby so badly. Being niddah is a horrible experience for both of us because we want to hold each other so much. That's my problem, I want to be with my husband so much and yet the act of intimacy freezes me now. I hate this. Please help me.

Re: Help - scared of intimacy

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:14 pm
by trachtgut

I read your post, and I was trying to understand what part of it you were nervous about or grossed by?
When you mention Ovulation induction treatment? Do you mean you by medication, or injections prior to insemination?

from my understanding, there could be a number of reasons why this is bothering you:
1. Are you feeling just gross from the injections? Like crampy and hormonal?
2. Do you feel constantly under pressure to conceive a baby every time you are together?
3. when you said you were meant to be together last night? did you mean bc it was Mikveh night, or medically you should be together?

My only advice to you, is to try to create a intimate atmosphere from the minute you wake up till the minute you go to sleep, spend some time with each other, before being intimate, in a non intimate way. Maybe take a rest during the day, so your not so tired etc...and try your best to shut out baby-making in the process. Disconnect the 2 as much as possible. remember every time you are together with your husband, you are creating Neshamas, and whatever happens with those Neshamas, its irrelevant. It should still be an enjoyable and holy time every time, regardless of the reason or outcome.

Re: Help - scared of intimacy

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 6:54 pm
by avigail
hi trachtgut,
thanks so much for your reply. At the moment I'm having the injections (puregon and pregnyl) and internal ultrasounds. I think maybe it was the hormones, but maybe my brain - all I could think of was having those internal ultrasounds and that ended the mood for me, if you know what I mean.
When I referred to the times of having to be together I was more thinking medically because of the induced ovulation and the 'requirement' to be intimate for 4 nights afterwards, which is so beyond normal for us (4 nights in a row I'm sure is a lot for many couples too). But I am also thinking about Mikveh night. It feels so forced. You are right, the whole reason for being together has gone out the window and become replaced by these artificial timeframes. Milkvah nights are also not frequent for I do not have normal cycles. So most of the time I am not niddah.
Even after coming home from the Mikvah - The last thing on my mind is being intimate. I'm just tired. Is it normal not to feel like being intimate on mikvah night?
There is such an emphasis on having a baby within our world, within the Torah, within society, that not having one makes me feel as though part of me as a person has not been realised.

Re: Help - scared of intimacy

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 6:55 pm
by avigail
and thank you so much for your tips - of realising the value of a couple beyond having a baby. that will keep me focused.
thanks again :)